Today is 02/09/26.
Here is your daily fortune from "beavis.zen".
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/ Like an expensive sports car,           \
| fine-tuned and well-built, Portia was   |
| sleek, shapely, and gorgeous, her red   |
| jumpsuit moulding her body, which was   |
| as warm as seatcovers in July, her hair |
| as dark as new tires, her eyes flashing |
| like bright hubcaps, and her lips as    |
| dewy as the beads of fresh rain on the  |
| hood; she was a woman driven -- fueled  |
| by a single accelerant -- and she       |
| needed a man, a man who wouldn't shift  |
| from his views, a man to steer her      |
| along the right road: a man like Alf    |
| Romeo.                                  |
|                                         |
| -- Rachel Sheeley, winner               |
|                                         |
| The hair ball blocking the drain of the |
| shower reminded Laura she would never   |
| see her little dog Pritzi again.        |
|                                         |
| -- Claudia Fields, runner-up            |
|                                         |
| It could have been an organically based |
| disturbance of the brain -- perhaps a   |
| tumor or a metabolic deficiency -- but  |
| after a thorough neurological exam it   |
| was determined that Byron was simply a  |
| jerk.                                   |
|                                         |
| -- Jeff Jahnke, runner-up               |
|                                         |
| Winners in the 7th Annual Bulwer-Lytton |
| Bad Writing Contest. The contest is     |
| named after the author of the immortal  |
| lines: "It was a dark and stormy        |
| night." The object of the contest is to |
| write the opening sentence of the worst |
\ possible novel.                         /
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